Monday, June 30, 2008

BALANCE?

So, I have been thinking a lot today about balance. You know moderation in ALL things... Is there such a thing? Does it exist? Has it ever? Here are my gripes about balance... Tips are much appreciated if you have any.
#1 - The house: Last week we had an appraiser coming out and I think my house looked the most amazing it ever has since we moved in, minus a couple of closets. I spent days cleaning, painting, organizing and vaccuming over and over. So, unfortunately, after he came I felt a need to take a break and now it shows. Why can't I have the adrenelin rush every day? I could try to fool myself into thinking an appraiser is coming, but I just don't think it would work. I just finished mentally pushing myself into cleaning the kitchen, doing dishes and scrubbing the floor. Now, all I want to do is waste the day blogging. :) Alas, the vaccuming and laundry is calling my name. Not to mention the shower that still hasn't been taken today!

#2 - The kids: I thought I was doing pretty good this morning. I have recomitted myself to not using my irritated voice every time they don't listen, which is more frequent every day. I went to scrub their toilet and they wanted to help. So, by all means, I let them! Then they wanted to do my bathroom and so I let them, even though they were supposed to be cleaning their own room. Next thing I know they are downstairs with my bucket of cleaning supplies wanting to scrub the garage floor - it was actually quite amusing! Exit funny, enter drama. We went outside to eat lunch and I explained that when we were done we would do summer homework and reading. Well, I may as well have told Ty there was no Christmas this year. I got him to read, but if he can't pronounce a word it is over! I try to encourage, but I guess I'm not that good? Next, I moved on to homework. Gabe is entering kindergarten and so I have been drilling him on letters and sounds and phone number, address, all the stuff they should know. I was super excited at how well he did today so I gave him his "props" and Tyler was instantly the martyr. He spilled out how stupid he is cause he doesn't know his address and he can't work the t.v. and XBox like Gabe! I sent Gabe to start cleaning their room while I worked with Ty, since I could see the competition building. I asked Ty if he thought his teacher would care more about his ability to read and do math or to work the XBox? I explained that he was able to do things Gabe can't and I worked him through it. In the mean time I went upstairs and Gabe was happily cleaning his room making it into a game. All because of a little praise. Kids are amazing! I guess as an adult I like my "props" too - especially when I have my house in order - not just clean. So, I have at least succeeded with one child today. But, where is the balance? How do I succeed with all three in one day?

#3- Food: So, because I am pregnant I kind of don't care what I eat lately. I thought it gave me the right to free reign, because I know once I have the baby I will be on a seriously different diet for the next year trying to loose all this weight. I have gained more than I usually do in the 2nd trimester, but I had only gained two at my last appointment so I was feeling pretty good. Then I get the phone call today from the doctor's office telling me my glucose levels came back a little elevated and they want me to come in for the 3 hour test in a couple of weeks. YUK! So, I have been terrified to go near sweets today and that is what our pantry is stocked with the most of. I called Rog and we decided we need to make some serious eating habbit changes, but it still stinks. Where is the pay off for having the right to be fat right now? Hopefully the next test is just fine. However, it will make me think twice before having that ice cream before I go to bed!

#4- The spouse: So, Roger and I really do try to date. Sometimes I am stingy cause we don't have the money for both a babysitter and dinner, so we take the kids with us to dinner. The main problem with our relationship is it is very there or so very not there. Let me explain. He gets home from work random hours daily. I never know if it will be 4:00 (Hurray!) or 8:00. He only has meetings once a week for about an hour and he will be going on visits now, being the ward mission leader. So, not a big deal. But, he comes home exhausted most days and just needs time to veg. Being a boss and running the business himself makes him mentally tired more than not I think. So, we sometimes go the whole evening without much conversation at all. This is why I enjoy the weekends I think. Cause I actually feel like I have a husband and he is with me. Don't get me wrong. I very much appreciate all we have been blessed with, but I wish I could take away some of the stress it puts on his brain. Dating is the key to our marriage for now. Once we add the baby in September I am sure our time will be even more valuable.

#5 - Spirituality: Sometimes super lacking! I am trying to not be a doer just to do it. But for now this is how I am surviving some things. I know reading and praying and attending the temple are super important! I do have a testimony of those things. But, do you ever feel like you are floating along and doing these things without actually getting anything from them? Like my brain is so melted down with the things I need to do I forget the things that are most important and that I fell in love with doing before I had a family and a home and a calling. I still love feeling the spirit and there is no denying the truthfulness of it all, but right now I have been feeling lost in my desire to do it. Just one more thing? My heart knows it is true and this is what I am leaning on at the moment. I guess priorites need to be evaluated and more emphasis on the things that will bring me true happiness need to be a must, then all things will fall into place right? Sometimes that is a whole lot easier said than done! Here's to effort.

So, balance... any tips are appreciated!

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Amen Sista. I think it's a number of children thing. You're so out numbered there's no way to keep it all up. I can totally relate to the kids section, I'm a good mom to one of the kids each day, the other two have to kind of tough it out. If I'm lucky, they rotate, so that every few days one of them gets me. I wish I had a better answer, but the only way I semi keep up is to NEVER stop moving.

JessieC said...

Wow, you had a lot on your mind today:) I agree. We only have one child and I'll tell you right now, my kitchen floor hasn't been scrubbed in longer than I would like to admit. I truly believe, You do your best and forget the rest. There is my advice (and looking at my house, my child and myself you can tell I take it seriously:) By the way, I am a cheap babysitter. I love your kids, drop them off sometime when you need dinner to yourself.