Thursday, February 4, 2010

Do You Believe?

So, my life has had its ups and downs. Let's face it, who's hasn't right? But I'd like to think I still believed that God has had his hand in it, no matter what. The tragedy that my family suffered by losing my sister Mandy was something I would NEVER wish on anyone. God carried us, FOR SURE, all the way through that week and into the next so we could get through the funeral. Oh sure, there were times when I was angry. I wondered why He didn't "save her," but moreso our family, from this hard thing. I was listening to a song one day, it is on the Women at the Well CD if you know it. It's called "If He Had Been There." It talks of Lazarus who was dead, and his sister's agony as she cries, "If He(meaning Christ) had been there, if He had only been there, my brother would not have died."(that is the rough version of it) As I listened and felt her pain, then her joy as Jesus came and saved him from death I felt hurt, and pain and wondered again WHY He "wasn't there." Why didn't he save MY sister? Then, very powerfully, one day I realized He WAS there. He "had been there." He suffered our loss with us. AND more importantly, because of HIM we will see her again. How quickly I forgot that it could only be Him that had carried us in that dark hour. That made it possible to get through. That, even when I ache to have her here with us, I KNOW we will meet again and that takes the tragedy out of the loss. He allowed Elder Jeffery R. Holland to feel things from her obituary that prompted a call and eventually a personal meeting with our family to help us understand that she is in a beautiful place and that she is happy and it WAS her time to go(no matter how untimely we felt it was), because He knew that would be what it took to help us cope with the loss. He also knew, despite my previous feelings for another, to send Roger in that moment (possibly as a distraction ;) and because of that he was able to experience first hand my loss, so that he would understand what I went through for when he would become my spouse. Wow. I meant to get on here and write something totally different - about tithing and money, something that feels totally worldly now. But, this is what came out. Maybe my spirit needed this. So, I hope you will believe as I do. That HE LIVES. As Easter quickly approaches may you know in your hearts that very principle. The Gospel is our only way to true happiness in this world. My sister lived that! So Christlike in all she did, not perfect, but so close.

6 comments:

Gentrey said...

Beautiful Amy. Thank you.

The Jensen Family said...

That was very heartfelt and touching. I never knew exactly how Elder Holland got involved, that's definitely one of the Lord's tender mercies.
Mandy definitely was an amazing, Christlike person; I can only imagine the tender spot that tragedy still leaves in your family's hearts. What a wonderful testimony of our Savior and his power to heal.

MamaSue said...

Dear sweet Amy, how beautiful a tribute to Our Savior and your sweet sister. I remember it all so well. Just yesterday I was in your mother's home and looking at Mandy's photo. She surely did live as the Savior would have us live. She taught us all so much in her few years here. Thank you!

Cassidy said...

I loved this post! I truly feel blessed to have known Mandy and to have felt a portion of that powerful Spirit that awful week or so. I love to think of the work Mandy is a part of now! Miss you!!

Tarina said...

Wow, what an inspiration you both have been for me. Thank you so much for sharing. I could feel so strongly your spirit through this writing and its what I needed right now. Thanks :)

Tiff said...

I love you Amy. I am so glad to be your friend and family. You are one amazing woman!